The truth behind the limping pirate

I have finally decided to post. the truth about lerchy the limping pirate if you wonder Y? *does a bad acting job and looks up wards* then here it is.One fine summers day I lerchy the iguana was talking a casual stroll through my neighbour hood National Army Corps Bomb Regenerational Recreational Teenage Facility when i spotted none other than a north african albino something-or-rather. I stop dead in my tracks trying not too make any sudden moves but it had already made eye contact, i turned to make a run for it but it was too late it had the leg of my jeans. I jumped for a door frame or pole to hang onto so it could not drag me away but it was no use, it pulled me into a door and down a stair well. When i awoke i was in a dark ciggerete smoke filled room, tied to a chair with a bright lamp beating down on my face. I heard a deep italian voice say "where you a put tha gold, aye?" I could see a dark figure in front of me i knew where the gold was but i kept my silence. He repeated his question but i remained my silence. After a time he gave up and went out for milk and muchies. It seemed like hours before the creature that was sertainly not human returned... i sat there thinking of my sister iguanerina and hoping that her formal was going good. He returned and asked if i had reconsidered his request but i said "got to some place, u smell bad". He hit me of course and when i awoke from the suck, i mean blow i was hanging from my feet it the middle of a forest with the figure staring me down but before the fuzziness of the figure could be focused there was a loud noise and they creatures around me fled. I was cut down and i looked at the person who had saved me and it appeared to be a horse, on a horse. It, being the the horse riding the horse galloped away on the riden horse out of sight. But i was stranded my aweful experience was only half over, i was lost! I ran in one direction and found a finceline i managed to follow the fence till i reached a gate but it said no entry so i kept walking till i came to a carpark, empty. I followed a road for hours until i came to a service station, i managed to call a cab and in no time i was rolling into my street. The cab pulled up outside my house and i stepped out it was over i headed towards my house to get my wallet to pay the red headed cab driver but in my way was a duck, and i tripped over this duck, i went to get up but my leg hurt too much. I limped towards my house as i heard the cabby drive away as the very white skinned, short cabby chuckled an evil chuckle. At this time ben upton just so happened to be passing by and he yelled out ha 'lerchy the limping pirate'. And that is the origin of Lerchy the Limping Pirate.

Lerchy the limping pirate,
he limps a little,
limps a lot!